Pastor's Desk
What is Marriage according to Scripture?
By Pastor Neil Wehmas
The month of October appears to be the month for weddings here at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Ida Grove. On October 3rd, I will be officiating my sister’s wedding. On October 10th & 17th, we will be hosting weddings. Which seems like a great opportunity to write a little bit about marriage.
In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul writes quite about marriage in a double layered message. He tells us that a husband is to leave his father and mother. He tells us that a wife is to submit to her husband. He tells us that husbands are to love their wives, and wives are to honor their husbands. Some of these principals are tough for the modern reader. But in the end Paul tells us the truth. Marriage is all about Jesus and his love for his church (all believers).
Whenever our congregation hosts a wedding, we do make use of the processional cross (or crucifix). The husband stands there awaiting the start of the service. The first thing that he sees is that cross coming forth. It is a call to that husband as to what it means when he says, “I do.”.
Paul tells us that the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. That means the husband is being called upon to be willing to have nails driven in his hands and feet. A crown of thrones smashed into his skull. A spear driven into his side. Being flogged and tortured, and hanging upon a cross for six hours to slowly suffocate and die. He endures all of this so that she may live. (This is why traditionally (not required) a husband wore black for weddings.)
The husbands entire life is to be a life of sacrifice. Here is how C. S. Lewis puts it in “The Four Loves”:
“The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church - read on - and give his life for her (Eph. V, 25). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is - in her own mere nature - least lovable. For the Church has not beauty but what the Bride-groom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely. The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence.”
He would later remark that the crown of headship that a husband bears is not a crown of gold and beautiful gems, rather it is a crown of thorns. To be a husband is to live a life of sacrifice for his wife. Understanding that doesn’t mean that he always gets what he wants, it means that always yields his desires for the sake of his bride and his children. He rarely gets what he desires.
For the wife to be in submission, this means not that the husband is to step upon her or abuse her. It doesn’t mean that she has to do the cooking and the cleaning and get him a sandwich. No…it means that she is to allow her husband to sacrifice for her. That she is to empower and encourage him to live a life of service to her and the children. That she is to empower and equip him with encouragement and wisdom to protect and sacrifice for her. Not because of her weakness, but because of her great value.
Read Genesis 1-3, John 2 (particularly the wedding at Canna), John 19, and Ephesians 5 for a better understanding of a Biblical view of marriage. Also, consider C. S. Lewis’ “The Four Loves” or Dr. Emerson Eggerichs “Love & Respect”. All of them point to the simple reality. Every marriage is to be a reflection of God’s greater love for us. May each husband seek to be this. May each wife encourage and strengthen her husband to this kind of service to her. May both forgive one another where they fail. May we teach our young men to grow up to be men of sacrifice, who never would bring harm to their wife or children. Who live lives of sacrifice. May we teach our young women to not expect anything less from the men they choose to enter into relationships with.
Finally, may forgiveness and the love of Christ rule over every relationship. Husband/wife, parent/child, friendships, co-workers, and all others. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Last Updated: 10/2/2026